The Proposal
In ancient China, the proposal was an elaborate process following the principle of the "Three Letters and Six Etiquettes," which began by hiring a go-between, or matchmaker, for the two families. Those with the most say in who actually got engaged were the parents of the bride and groom -- not the individual bride and groom.
1) Choosing a BrideThe groom's parents would identify a likely bride and send gifts to her parents via the matchmaker to express their feelings about the match. If her parents approved, the matchmaker would obtain the date and hour of the girl's birth in the form of an official document to give to the boy's family.
2) Becoming a GroomThe groom's family would place this document on the ancestral altar for three days. If no inauspicious omens took place during that time, the groom's parents would give the bride's birth information to an astrological expert to make sure that the two were a good match. If found favorable, the groom's family would give an official document of the boy's date and hour of birth to the matchmaker to bring to the bride's family, who would then go through the same process.
3) Making a MatchIf both outcomes were found favorable, the two families would arrange to meet face to face. The betrothal would begin if both sets of parents were decidedly satisfied with each other.
The Betrothal
Because the traditions were ever-changing, betrothal ceremonies ranged from a formal proposal letter to a gift exchange. Here are a few of the most practiced rituals.
1) Choosing GiftsAs tokens of intention, both parents exchange family credentials. After extensive discussion, the two families agree on a monetary amount and gifts for the bride's family. In Taiwan, many wealthier families adhered to a tradition of giving 12 gifts. Many of these gifts are symbolic, such as a pair of chopsticks (the word for chopsticks sounds like "fast boy" and is a wish for sons).
2) Picking a Date After receiving engagement gifts, the bride's family chooses from several auspicious wedding dates suggested by the groom's family. The bride's parents also set the date for exchanging betrothal gifts with the groom's parents.
3) Exchanging GiftsThe groom's family would present betrothal gifts including money and tea, cakes adorned with a phoenix and dragon, pairs of male and female poultry, and sweetmeats, all accompanied by an itemized document. The gift of tea was such an important part of this ritual that the gifts became known collectively as cha-li, or "tea presents." In exchange, the bride's family gave gifts of food and clothing to the groom's family. The gifts from the groom's family acknowledged the bride's parents' efforts in raising the girl. By accepting these gifts, the bride's family pledged her to the groom's family.
4) Announcing the WeddingThe bride's family would distribute cakes, given to them by the groom's family, to their friends and relatives to announce the wedding. The number of cakes given to each person was based on seniority and degree of intimacy. Those who received bridal cakes were expected to give congratulatory gifts to the bride's parents.
5) The DowrySeveral days after the presentation of betrothal gifts, the bride's family would send an inventoried dowry by way of messenger to the groom's family house. The dowry consisted of practical items (land, a house, furniture, servants, grain), along with a chamber pot filled with fruit and strings of coins for the groom's family. The procession of the dowry to the groom's house is considered a display of the social status of the bride's family and their love for their daughter.
Wedding Taboos for Bride and Groom to Observe
1. To avoid clashing of luck, for three months before and after their wedding, the bride and groom will not attend a funeral or wake; attend a wedding; visit a lady who is in confinement (ie within one month of giving birth).
2. If one of the parents passes away, the bride or groom has to be in mourning, the wedding will either be conducted within 100 days of the death, or postponed till 3 years (1000 days) after the death.Note: Mourners engaging in entertainment and social activities such as weddings, birthday parties, festive visiting are considered being disrespectful to the deceased parent.
3. It is preferred that no one sleeps or sits on the bridal bed after its installation and blessing for fertility. If however, the groom needs to sleep on it before the wedding he should be accompanied by a young boy preferably born in the year of the dragon. To leave one side of the bridal bed empty is considered a curse on the health of the couple.
4. If the bride meets another bride on the wedding day their luck may clash. The matchmakers or the bestmen from the two bridal parties will exchange red packets on the couple’s behalf to neutralize the effect of the clash.
Bridal Veil
Traditionally, brides have been thought to be particularly vulnerable to evil spirits and many of the customs and traditions associated with weddings are to provide protection. The veil was originally worn by Roman brides. It was thought that it would disguise the bride and therefore outwit malevolent spirits.
The veil has symbolized privacy, modesty, youth and maidenhood. Moreover, veils are used to add to the final touches of a wedding dress and to frame the bride's face.
Wedding Bands
The neverending circle of a wedding band symbolizes eternal love by its lack of a beginning and an end. This tradition grew out of an ancient tribal custom of using circlets of grass to decorate a bride's wrist and ankles. The earliest evidence of wedding rings dates back to around 2800 B.C. in Egypt. In 860 the Roman Catholic pope (Nicholas I) declared that an engagement ring was required of all those who intended to marry; if either the man or woman later violated the vow to marry, he/she was excommunicated or banished to a nunnery. These were the times when women were thought of as property and the band was a sort of leash or band of ownership. The gold and silver commonly used for wedding bands today is derived from the customs of the Romans and Egyptians who loved precious metals and stones. And finally, the rings are worn on the third finger of the left hand because ancient cultures believed that finger had a vein running straight to the heart.
Flowers
Flowers have always been used for decoration at weddings.
Some people choose the flowers at the wedding on the basis of their symbolic meaning. For example orange blossom has always been associated with weddings because it signifies purity and chastity.
Peonies are avoided by some as they represent shame; azaleas represent temperance: roses symbolise love and snowdrops represent hope.
A combination of red and white flowers is avoided by the superstitious because they stand for blood and bandages.
However, people from different regions may attach other meanings to the same flower. For example lilies symbolise majesty to some but are thought unlucky by others because of their association with death.
The groom often chooses a flower for his buttonhole which also occurs in the bride's bouquet. This is a vestige of the time when a Knight would wear his Lady's colours to display his love.
Bridemaids - "Jie Meis"
Bridesmaids were dressed in a similar way to the bride for the same reason as the origin of veil. The bridesmaids were thought to act as decoys to confuse evil spirits and thus protect the bride. Must be single
Bestmans - "Brothers"
It is the best man's duty to protect the groom from bad luck. He must ensure that once the groom has began his journey to fetch his bride,does not return for any reason.
He must also arrange for the groom to carry a small mascot or charm in his pocket on the wedding day.
The First Purchase
It is said that the first partner who buys a new item after the wedding will be the dominant one in the relationship.
Shoes
Do not take off your shoes until your chinese wedding ceremony is over.
The modern custom is to remove the wedding shoes only after returning to the groom's home or bridal home after the bride's home visit to her parent's home.
Home Visit - 三朝回门
After the tea ceremony at the groom's family home, the bride will change out of her western style wedding gown. This change of clothes symbolizes the passing of three days!
The bride may choose to change into another western dress, a cheongsam or a traditional red chinese wedding gown called kwa.
For efficiency, modern chinese wedding usually compressed all the necessary events into a single day.
Preceremony Traditions
1) Obtaining the Bride
1) Obtaining the Bride
In Chinese culture, it was customary for firecrackers, loud gongs, and drums to mark the start of the procession (and fend off evil spirits) from the groom's home to the bride's house. The groom would lead a procession, accompanied by a child (to symbolize future sons). Attendants with lanterns, as well as banners, musicians, and a dancing lion would follow.
2) Bridesmaid Games
When the groom arrived at the bride's house, the groom's party would be met by the bride's friends, who would haggle with the groom or his representatives. They would make him perform stunts or tricks, and not "surrender" their friend until they were satisfied with red packets of money.
3) Arriving at the Groom's House
As the couple made their way back to the groom's house, firecrackers would be set off just before the procession arrived. A red mat would be placed before the sedan chair for the bride so that her feet wouldn't have to touch the bare earth. The entire household would be waiting to receive her. The bride would be required to step over a saddle or a lit stove to cross the threshold -- the fire was thought to cast out evil influences.
Ceremonial Rites
1) The Ceremony
1) The Ceremony
Chinese ceremonies are historically simple compared to other Chinese wedding elements. (In fact, the wedding ceremony was seen more as a way to announce the wedding, which was then followed by the banquet.) During the ceremony, the bride and groom would stand at the family altar, where they would pay homage to heaven and earth, the family ancestors, and the kitchen god, Tsao-Chün. Tea, usually with two lotus seeds or two red dates in each cup, would be offered to the groom's parents. Finally, the bride and groom would bow to each other -- completing the ceremony.
2) The Nuptial Chamber
Immediately following the ceremony, the couple was led to the bridal chamber, where both would sit on the bed. In some areas of China, honey and wine were poured into two goblets linked by a red thread. The bride and groom would take a few sips, then exchange cups and drink the rest.
3) Tea Ceremony
Either following the wedding ceremony or sometimes the next day, the newlyweds would serve tea to the groom's family. The couple would serve tea in order, starting with the groom's parents then proceeding from the oldest family member to the youngest. After the tea was offered and a sip was taken, the couple would receive lucky red envelopes (lai see) filled with money or jewelry. This was considered the formal introduction of the families.
The Celebration
1) Wedding Banquet
1) Wedding Banquet
The parents of the bride and groom would often host separate wedding feasts. There might be a single feast for each family, or a series of feasts over several days. The most important feast was considered to be the one given by the groom's family on the day of the wedding. This banquet was seen as a public recognition of the union. Historically, the more lavish the display and the more food and leftovers, the more wealthy the hosts. Most of the foods commonly served were symbolic -- a whole fish would be served because the word for fish, yu, sounds like the word for plenty, meaning a wish for abundance. Serving sweet lotus seeds for dessert symbolized a wish for many children.
2) The Day after the WeddingThe day after the wedding, the bride would wake up early to honor her ancestors at dawn. It was then that she would also be formally introduced to all of the groom's relatives and friends. As she knelt before each of the older relatives, she would receive a small gift. The groom's parents would then give her a title, according to her new husband's seniority in the family.
3) Three Days After the WeddingThree days after the wedding, the newlyweds would pay a visit to the bride's family at home. At this time, the bride would no longer be considered a part of her family, but rather a guest in her parents' house.
Q. Which traditional dishes will appeal to both our Chinese and Western guests' tastes?
A. Serving traditional Chinese dishes is a wonderful way to celebrate your heritage at your reception. And since most Chinese dishes are prepared with Western ingredients in the States, you can be sure to appeal to most guests' tastes. One favorite is Peking duck, a red dish symbolizing joy and happiness. You can serve the duck with lobster too (serving the dish whole, with head and legs still attached, would symbolize completeness). For your side salad, include sea cucumbers, which symbolize harmony and lack of conflict between newlyweds.
Q. As a guest, is there anything special I should bring for the bride and groom?
A. You could bring the couple a lucky red envelope (lai see) with money tucked inside. Traditionally at Chinese weddings the couple is given "lucky money" rather than gifts. If the couple has registered at a few stores, it's perfectly acceptable to purchase a gift for them off their registry in lieu of a red envelope.
Q. What is the meaning behind a lion dance and how can I have one at my wedding?
A. The lion dance dates back 1,000 years to the Ch'in and Han dynasties. The decorative lions, which typically dance and perform acrobatic-like moves to the sounds of drums, gongs, and clashing cymbals, are an expression of joy and happiness. Depending on your style and budget, you could have the dancers perform at the reception or the tea ceremony. You could even have a group of lion dancers escort you, your bridal party, and your guests from the ceremony to the reception site in your own mini parade.
CUTE CHINESE WEDDING ICON..
